Excitement then...disappointment

The night I signed up for this blog I had no idea what the next day would be like.
I woke up wondering--is it possible? So I decided to take a test. Immediately two lines showed up!
One of my wildest dreams has come true! I couldn't get to Jason fast enough!!!
I immediately cried and felt so much excitement and fear!
Jason looked at it and said, "Yep there are definatly two lines."
We were going to have a baby!!!!

I called my mother and couldn't control myself. I was so excited!
I couldn't wait to tell Teresa. I tried to call her several times throughout the day, but her phone was dead.
At 3:45 I was finally able to share my exciting news with my best friend.
I called several people, told a few face to face, and emailed a few long distance relatives.
One special friend was trying to be quiet in Barnes and Noble. She wanted to scream and yell, but managed to stay "calm".
My mom even went shopping!!!!

On the way home I called Jason and we decided to tell Holden that night.

But then, I started to doubt myself. I got online and looked up the directions for the test.
My first reaction was, OH NO WHAT HAVE I DONE??? I READ IT WRONG!!!
The first circle is supposed to have a horizontal AND a vertical...not just a horizontal....
No baby...
I just laughed. What a BLONDE!!! I called Jason and told him. He thought I was kidding.
I have never felt like more of an idiot on my life!!!
I knew I had to take another test just to make sure...but this time one that said clearly---PREGNANT--or--NOT PREGNANT
Within a few minutes it was confirmed, I had made a HUGE mistake!!! It clearly said, NOT PREGNANT!!

Jason asked me later, "What made you look up the directions and double check?"
I immediately knew the answer..."GOD" We were going to tell Holden.
God's Promises Kept! He loves our little man so much, he protected him from the excitement of thinking he would be a big brother only to deal with the pain of finding out-"Oops, Mom messed up."

What did I learn for this? Well, many people have said, don't tell everyone so quickly. But that is not my personality. I show my excitement without holding back. Yes, I had to go back and take care of "damage control". But I have gotten a good laugh at myself. I will never forget and this will be a funny story to tell forever. So the most important thing I take from this experience is--I will never throw the directions away before using all the tests in a box.

People have asked me several times, "Are you okay?" I am amazed that I am. I wasn't devastated. I didn't cry. I was disappointed and a little sad, but I just laughed. I made a mistake.

Today is another day....I am not pregnant....but I am still loved. God has a perfect plan for our family. When the time is right, we will have another morning full of excitement.