Our First Thanksgiving...

On Wednesday, Holden and I prepared the banana pudding, the hot pineapple casserole, and the sweet potatoes. Holden was a huge help. I enjoyed the time we spent together. He added ingredients while I mixed it all up. I left the toppings to be completed Thursday morning before going to MeeMaw's.

Unfortunately, Thursday morning didn't go quite the way we'd hoped. I woke up in the middle of the night with chills and freezing! I pulled the extra quilt up on me but never got warm. I was running a fever of 102.1 and coughing like crazy. My head was pounding and never could stop shivering. Thanksgiving morning, I knew I wouldn't be able to join Holden and Jason with the family.

I made Holden watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade with me, so we could at least do one thing together as a family that day. I managed to get the toppings on the sweet potatoes and pineapple, but went to bed as soon as the boys left for MeeMaw's. While they were gone my fever went up to 103.6. Jason and I knew something was seriously wrong, but it was Thanksgiving--Nothing was open but the hospitals. I didn't want to do that.

I spent the rest of the weekend in bed coughing and in pain. I went to Care Now, but that was useless...they told me it was a sinus infection. On Monday morning, I got into my own doctor and found out I had a pretty bad case of pneumonia. I have spent the entire week in bed and missed a week of school--again!!

Now that I am coming back to the living world, I am ready to get ready for Christmas. But before I do, I need to be sure I don't forget to share what I am most thankful for.

1. I am thankful for God's grace and mercy. I so don't deserve it, but I get it anyway!
2. I am thankful for the family God has given to me this year!
3. I am thankful for my loving husband, Jason.
4. I am thankful for my amazing son, Holden.

Eighteen months ago, I would have never dreamed that I would be writing this today. God has given me the man and the child of my dreams! I am so blessed!

My Little Bookworm DS

When I first met Jason and Holden, Holden was not a reader. He was a video/computer game kid.
He was supposed to read daily for school, but it wasn't an easy task to get him to read.
His reading consisted of whatever dialogue the video game characters spoke to each other.

I knew that playing video games would probably never be a commonality for Holden and me, but I love to read! Give me a good children's book or great Christian fiction book and I am completely content to cuddle up in bed and read until I fall asleep. I have always been a reader. Some of my best memories as a child were books, even when my mom took away "Forever" by Judy Blume after I read "Chapter 9". I can also remember filling my toy refrigerator and stove with as many books as I could. They were so full sometimes I couldn't even get the doors to shut. I would just dump them all out on the floor and read the same books over and over again.

How could I get this little man who was soon to be my son to love reading as much as I did and do?

I knew that he enjoyed "boy potty humor" so I started buying him CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS books.
Reading about all sorts of bodily functions became a normal part of our evenings for awhile.
As long as poop, farts, and underpants were part of the reading, Holden was entertained.

I slowly introduced him to more "quality" literature. "101 Ways to Bug My Parents" by Lee Wardlaw was the first "real" chapter book he actually read completely. It was a struggle at first. He didn't want to read alone. He didn't want to read for "20 whole minutes". I started out reading to him the entire 20 minutes then transitioning to spending the first 10 minutes reading to him and letting him finish the last 10 minutes. Sometimes tears were involved, but slowly it became a normal part of our evenings.

Once we were officially a family, living in the same home, I was able to set a consistent evening schedule of bath time-reading-and lights out. There is rarely an argument and never tears anymore. Reading is part of Holden's daily life, just like playing games.

The first really good book he read was "Tale of Despereaux" by Kate DiCamillo. This is probably one of my all time favorite children's novels. It is the story of a mouse, a princess, some soup, and a spool of thread. It doesn't get any better than this.
Holden loved it so much; he read the entire book in one weekend. Tonight he even suggested we buy it for his friend's birthday. I was so proud!

When summer came, I wanted trips to the library and reading to continue to be part of our routine. Each summer I try to read several of the Texas Bluebonnet nominees to prepare myself for the new school year. As a mom for the first time, I was excited to share these books with my fourth grader. We took turns reading them and talking about our favorite parts. By the end of the summer Holden and I had both read at least 8 of the 20 nominees. It was nice to have something in common to talk about.

Holden had been asking for a Nintendo DS (handheld game system) for months, but I really didn't want to buy one more game system. Holden talked about saving his allowance and buying it for himself. He already had a Gamecube, an XBox, a Gameboy, and a Wii. I knew that eventually we would get it, but one morning I had a "brilliant" idea. I asked Jason what he thought about challenging Holden to read ALL 20 of the Bluebonnet nominees, and when he finished, we would buy him the DS. Jason agreed that that would be a good deal.

When we presented the idea to Holden, he was ALL FOR IT! I made up a tracking sheet for him to hang in his bedroom. He was so proud every time he checked off another book.

Now some might think that reading to earn something isn't the same as having a love for reading, but if you saw how our boy reads, you wouldn't think that way. He has really enjoyed every one of the 20 books. I think his favorite is "Leven Thumps and the Gateway to Foo" by Obert Skye. He has EARNED his DS just like we earn money to buy things we want.

A couple of weeks ago he realized that he was only 4 books away from his goal! Owning a DS was actually becoming a reality for him. I told him that if he worked really hard, he might just have it before Thanksgiving. He made a plan that would make it happen. Each day he knew exactly how long he needed to read and how many pages he had to finish. Having a book report due this Friday helped push him along a little bit.

As I watched my little bookworm eat his way through each of those final books, I was so full of pride! He wanted to read! Yes, his initial goal was to get them finished so he would get his DS, but he was reading and he enjoyed it! He has come so far in such a short amount of time. My son loves to read! I love sharing my favorite books with him! I bragged to everyone I know, "MY son is almost finished reading ALL 20 Bluebonnet books!!!"

Tonight he only had about 50 more pages to read in "Firegirl" by Tony Abbott and all of the picture book "Ballet of the Elephants" by Leda Schubert, and he would be FINISHED!!!! After dinner I took him to Barnes and Noble to read "Ballet of the Elephants", On the way he sat in the backseat with his flashlight finishing "Firegirl". By the time we got home, he only had 3 more pages to read!!!

Jason and I had the DS all plugged in and charged up for him. He ran in to get it when he was finished. I have always cringed when I watched him play his video games, but tonight as I went in his room to take pictures of him playing with his new Nintendo DS, I was proud!!! Proud of his accomplishment. Proud of his perseverance. Proud of my son the gamer and reader!!!

I think I did something right!

http://www.txla.org/groups/tba/nominees.html

It Hurts....

Earlier this week I was able to laugh at my mistake.
As the week has continued, I have laughed less and less.
I started to get angry and frustrated and sad.

As I sat in church this morning, I looked around and saw at least 3 round bellies.
It hurt. I finally admitted to myself--I am sad. I wanted to be pregnant.
I wanted to start planning for the arrival of a baby.

This week has been torture. No period, but 5 negatives!!!
I am sure I am not, but it would be so much easier to be back on a regular schedule and move on to next month.
Unfortunately, my body has different plans.

After church we came home and I needed to go lay down and be alone with my thoughts.
I know the answer is--it will happen in God's Time....but I DO NOT want to hear that right now.
I told Jason, that if I was still single, today would have been one of those days that I would have spent in bed all day.
Sleeping, crying, and sleeping some more. That isn't my life anymore.

So I made it though the day. I will make it through tomorrow and the next day.
But I need a day or so to just be sad.

Goodnight My Favorite Mama

Tonight as I went into Holden's room to turn off the TV and tell him it was time for lights out. I noticed the clothes on the bathroom floor, the crumpled up towel on the bathroom sink, and the wide open shower curtain. So the "Mom" in me came out. "Holden, why are your clothes on the floor? Why isn't your towel hung up? Why is the shower curtain not pulled closed? And oh yeah...how do we put dishes in the dishwasher? Then why was your plate in the dishwasher with ketchup and dried up cheese still on it?"

As Holden got out of bed to do everything I asked him to do, I knew he was frustrated. He came in to say good night and was visibly distraught. When asked why he was upset, he said, "Nothing. Can I please just go to bed?" Once he got in bed he called for "Dad." Well, Jason wasn't feeling well, so I said I would go. When I got in Holden's room, he immediately said, "I wanted to talk to Dad." I knew it was to complain about me, but I went in anyway.

I asked him what was bothering him. I need to stop and admit that my flesh was upset that he would be so upset that I told him to do what he already knew what was supposed to be done. But he very maturely asked, "Why does the shower curtain need to be closed?" "Why do I have to hang up the towel?" My initial reaction wanted to be, "Because those are the rules and I said so." But I decided to try what Jason has been trying to get me to do. I explained the reasoning behind it. "The bathroom looks nicer when the shower curtain is closed. The towels will get mildewy and gross if not hung up to dry. It will be dry for you in the morning when you need to use it."

I could tell that because of the tone I was using, just a calm voice to explain it, that Holden was softening and not so frustrated. Then I decided to make it a little silly. I decided to explain why we rinse the dishes. I asked him if he wanted dried old ketchup and cheese with his pancakes tomorrow with his breakfast? Or better yet the old dried Ramen Noodles from Friday night in his scrambled eggs?

Well the giggles started. Holden said, "Mom, lay down with me and let's be silly and talk about gross food."
How could I resist? I crawled up in bed with him and we proceeded to think about all we had eaten this week and how gross our food would be with all the dried up old food all mixed up with tomorrow's breakfast. We were both laughing hard.

Then my sweet boy started playing with my hair, and we talked about what we were gonna go buy tomorrow to put in the shoebox for Samaritan's Purse. I told him to go get my brush so he could brush my hair. He came back empty handed saying he couldn't find it. When I got up to go get it, he tried to stop me and said, "No don't go because you won't come back, and I want to lay with you and be silly."

He wanted my time and laughter, and my first visit started with nagging about picking up this, and hanging up that...blah blah blah....nothing near as important--nothing near as eternal as laying in bed with my precious nine year old son, just being silly.

I came back right away with my brush. He told me to lay down while he brushed my hair and to keep talking about what we were gonna put in the box.

Ten minutes or so later, when I was getting up to leave he said, "Mom, I had fun being silly with you." As I walked out of the room, I heard, "Goodnight My Favorite Mama." I stopped, walked back, and gave him a kiss on the forehead and said, "Good night my favorite son."

WOW...what started out me being a naggy mom, turned into a sweet memory for both of us.

As I started to type this post, I went back in his room and asked, "Remember when I came in your room and immediately began to give you a list of things that you didn't do? He very reluctantly said, "Yeah?" (I think he thought I was gonna start all over again.) But instead I did what my pride has kept me from doing. Instead I said, "Well that was wrong of me and I am sorry." He looked up at me in the dark with his blue eyes and said, "Yeah but then you wouldn't have come back to talk to me, and we never would have had our silly time."

Our little man is wise beyond his years. I hope we will have more of those silly time together...and sometimes--we can leave the clothes on the floor, the towel crumpled up on the sink, and (heaven forbid) the shower curtain wide open.

Good night my favorite son.

Always in Awe

After I wrote my blog yesterday, I was in the "Reading Room" and picked up our daily devotion book--The Word for You Today.
After all the excitement of the morning, I had forgotten to read the Tuesday, November 6 entry.

So as I was preparing to go to bed, I read it. I'd like to share a few thoughts and scriptures:

"It is difficult to see God blessing others while you are forced to wait. But this is not injustice; it's divine order!"

"God may not come when you want Him to but He'll always be on time--if you wait on Him."

"No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11

"His delays are not his denials. He's never said anything He couldn't back up or promised anything He wouldn't deliver. So disregard the circumstances and stand on the Word God has given you!"

WOW!!! God even knew that I would mess up on Tuesday, November 6 and that disappointment would be part of my day when He guided the publishers of this small devotional book. HE LOVES ME THAT MUCH!!!!

Excitement then...disappointment

The night I signed up for this blog I had no idea what the next day would be like.
I woke up wondering--is it possible? So I decided to take a test. Immediately two lines showed up!
One of my wildest dreams has come true! I couldn't get to Jason fast enough!!!
I immediately cried and felt so much excitement and fear!
Jason looked at it and said, "Yep there are definatly two lines."
We were going to have a baby!!!!

I called my mother and couldn't control myself. I was so excited!
I couldn't wait to tell Teresa. I tried to call her several times throughout the day, but her phone was dead.
At 3:45 I was finally able to share my exciting news with my best friend.
I called several people, told a few face to face, and emailed a few long distance relatives.
One special friend was trying to be quiet in Barnes and Noble. She wanted to scream and yell, but managed to stay "calm".
My mom even went shopping!!!!

On the way home I called Jason and we decided to tell Holden that night.

But then, I started to doubt myself. I got online and looked up the directions for the test.
My first reaction was, OH NO WHAT HAVE I DONE??? I READ IT WRONG!!!
The first circle is supposed to have a horizontal AND a vertical...not just a horizontal....
No baby...
I just laughed. What a BLONDE!!! I called Jason and told him. He thought I was kidding.
I have never felt like more of an idiot on my life!!!
I knew I had to take another test just to make sure...but this time one that said clearly---PREGNANT--or--NOT PREGNANT
Within a few minutes it was confirmed, I had made a HUGE mistake!!! It clearly said, NOT PREGNANT!!

Jason asked me later, "What made you look up the directions and double check?"
I immediately knew the answer..."GOD" We were going to tell Holden.
God's Promises Kept! He loves our little man so much, he protected him from the excitement of thinking he would be a big brother only to deal with the pain of finding out-"Oops, Mom messed up."

What did I learn for this? Well, many people have said, don't tell everyone so quickly. But that is not my personality. I show my excitement without holding back. Yes, I had to go back and take care of "damage control". But I have gotten a good laugh at myself. I will never forget and this will be a funny story to tell forever. So the most important thing I take from this experience is--I will never throw the directions away before using all the tests in a box.

People have asked me several times, "Are you okay?" I am amazed that I am. I wasn't devastated. I didn't cry. I was disappointed and a little sad, but I just laughed. I made a mistake.

Today is another day....I am not pregnant....but I am still loved. God has a perfect plan for our family. When the time is right, we will have another morning full of excitement.